The Intrinsic Gentleman
Hey, Bunnyheads, I've got another heaping helping of juicy journaling in store for you! I know you've been missing me since I've been out of the country, so I won't linger any longer. Down to business!
ITEM! Prominent member of the European Union, Germany, doesn't have water! It's a fact! At least, it's factish. I couldn't get a friggin' glass of proper water my whole week there. The only stuff they had was this murky yellowish business they pumped from the ground, which is something people apparently still do in this world, and tonic water which is water with carbonation. Yuck! No thanks! Let's get on the ball, guys, and procure some bottled water! You're close to France, get yourself a few crates of Evian!
ITEM! I also couldn't get a decent salad in Germany either! I tried to order one in a restaurant- ein Salat mit Speck und Eier (the only way they offered them) - and what they brought me was a few pieces of lettuce covered with three inches of hot, greasy, cubed bacon chunks! I tried to brush them to the perimeter of my plate but the lettuce was too grease-soaked to be edible. I ate the slices of hard-boiled egg they included because they were far away enough from the bacon pile to not have been dunked in grease. The beer was good though!
ITEM! I still can't spell restaurant correctly without looking it up. So much for my education!
ITEM! Airplanes are great! They take you places relatively quickly. The trip to Germany is still eight hours, though, but I didn't mind! I got two hot meals, a lot of coffee, reread The Metamorphosis and Nine Stories for the millionth time each, saw Walk the Line, built an extension on my Animal Crossing house, and still had time for a nap! The old lady who sat next to me was nice and didn't hog the armrest. I just wish that Indian lady would have shut her fucking baby up! It screamed for the whole nine hours!
ITEM! Everybody's playing Sudoku! I avoided the Japanese number game until recently because I am afraid of numbers and the Japanese, but my aunt gave me her book and it turns out I'm a Sudoku-natural! Who knew I could be so logical? Anyway, Sudoku is a blast if you're a person of moderate intelligence like me, so why not give it a shot the next time you're lounging around in a fucking dumbshit coffee shop or riding the goddamn train to work?
ITEM! The voters at Threadless have bitten down hard on my scrotum and torn out a large chunk of my tough, chewy ballmeat! Despite my unquestionable talent and wonderful concepts featuring winged llamas, fat guys with trees growing out of their backs, and cold slime monsters, the Threadless voting public has found it in themselves to give me less than outstanding scores. It is a shame, because it is obvious the voters gave low scores because they could not see past their own jealousy for my skill and creativity. Grow up guys! I need to get paid!
ITEM! After twelve years, the name pseudonymjones is starting to feel a little stale! I've been thinking about purchasing a Name Change Token but that's fifteen dollars and plus I'm not entirely sure of what I would change it to. A while ago I was toying with the idea of just straight up deleting pseudonymjones and moving to a journal of an undisclosed name because you chumps were getting on my nerves but I never got around to that. I registered pseudonymjones (Note: name disclosed!) which is probably the name I'd like best to change to. But I'm open to suggestions!
ITEM! British poet John Keats comes off as kind of dull when you have to write fifteen double-spaced pages about his use of sound in a single poem! I don't recommend undertaking such a task if you want to retain your interest in his work. At least it's better than writing about Emily Dickinson! Who gives a shit about hyphen usage and fascicle arrangement? Not this dude!
That's all I've got for now, journalkateers! Stay tuned because next time I'll have pictures from my vacation and a wealth of interesting drawings I won't turn into shirt designs because fuck Threadless. Until then... Stay intrinsic!